What happens when a will doesn’t match a promise?

Problem:

I always thought my father’s word was good. I just found out it wasn’t.  

I worked side-by-side with Dad for almost 30 years as we fed cattle and grew crops. He was a sole proprietor and never wanted to sell or gift any portion of the farm to me because he heard I wouldn’t get the “stepped-up basis.” He often said, “Just wait until I’m gone, then the farm will be yours.” 

Dad recently had a heart attack and died two days later. At the reading of his will, I found out he left the farm to “all of us kids” equally. My sister and brothers were shocked. Then, I began to hear what they would do with the money they could get from their share of the farm.

I am devastated. I’m trying to work through the pain and survive. I hope my story might help someone else. Would you please share? 

- Submitted by email from D.G

Solution

I wish I could comfort you as you work through the emotions and results of your father’s choice, D.G.. I hope you have a loving spouse and children, true friends, a compassionate faith leader, and a family doctor with mental health resources. This is not a time to walk alone, count “what’s lost,” or even “what’s left.” Eventually, that all must be addressed, but right now, you need support and guidance to help you maneuver through these days. 

And yes, I’ll share your story. You have reminded us that “a conversation is not a contract” and “if it’s not in writing, it does not exist.” The best intent, not backed by legal documents, is just that — an intent, wish, hope, or expectation. The fall to reality is devastating to the people and the business. 

Because you want your experience to help others, this is the lesson: If the assets of your estate affect the continuation of the business, then transparency of the following is needed: a legal, discussed, revised estate plan; a management, leadership, and ownership transfer plan; a buy-sell agreement or specific transfer documents that trump a will; and a listing of details for those left behind. 

• An estate plan assures your assets go to the people you choose and may minimize income, gift, and estate taxes. It may include structure documents, a will, possibly trusts, and durable powers of attorney for medical and financial directives. These documents need to be shared, and revised as needed. Others do not have to like what you have planned, but they deserve to know it. Your distribution affects the continuation of the business.
• A management, leadership, and ownership transfer plan. This assures the farm can continue in the hands of those who know the business and have that authority on behalf of the owners.
• A buy-sell agreement or a specific ownership transfer document trumps a will. These legal documents define terms of transfer, purchasing, and/or gifting. Wills can be changed on a whim, as long as the individual is of sound mind.
• A listing of details for those left behind. This covers a multitude of particulars such as birth certificate and burial plot, passwords, locations of documents, and names of advisers and people you trust. This list allows your loved ones to celebrate your life, not be wrapped in a mess of uncertainty. 

D.G., your story reminds us of the need for transparency and a good attorney. I imagine if you had known the terms of your father’s will 30 years ago, you would have invested your time and money differently. 

For now, please know your story and pain may help many others. 

Thank you.