Brothers-in-law band together after tragedy strikes twice

Farm life often evokes images of hard work and long days balanced by the autonomy and serenity of a rural lifestyle. Yet, beyond the crops and cattle lurks a danger that is difficult to discuss. . . the high rate of suicide in farm country.

• READ MORE: Learn to help farmers who may be suicidal

In 2013, it was an issue the Hulsizer family was forced to deal with. On October 11, David Hulsizer, who farmed with his son Matt in Knox County, Illinois, took his own life. At the time of his death, the father and son grew corn and soybeans, managed a farrow to finish facility, and raised cattle. David was 51 years old.

The days that followed David's death were filled with myriad questions -– the whys, the what-ifs, the how could he?

As the Hulsizers began digging into the farm's financials, things started to become clear. Equipment and land that was thought to be paid off was not.

"It seems my father-in-law's mind could no longer handle either the day-to-day or the bigger picture, and he was making poor decisions," says Liz Hulsizer. "He was in debt and had been keeping a lot of things from us."

• READ MORE: Can practicing presence make farming less stressful?

Pictured: Matt and Liz Hulsizer

Farmers are known for masking their feelings and how they deal with challenges. And when a farm doesn't succeed or property must be sold to make ends meet, not only does a farmer feel he has let his family down, but also the legacy built by the generations before him.

Suicide is an all-too-common result. Compared to other occupations, farmers are among the most likely to commit suicide, according to a January 2020 study by the CDC. The study also found that suicide rates have increased by 40% in less than two decades.

"It's one of things that when you look back, it seems like the signs were obvious, but my dad's mental health had gradually gotten worse, and we didn't realize it at the time," Matt says.

• READ MORE: Farmer mental health deserves your attention

Picking up the Pieces

Rather than file for bankruptcy, the Hulsizers decided to sell everything except the land, paying down as much debt as possible. The young couple basically had to start over, taking on a fair amount of debt and workload.

At the time, they had 300 sows, 50 stock cows, and around 200 head of cattle on feed. "I got rid of the pigs right away, because I knew I didn't have the time and I could see the writing on the wall," Matt says. "I kept the cows until 2017 and decided to liquidate that side of the business as well because I had too much money into it for my return on investment. I decided to focus on growing crops, which helped our balance sheet dramatically as well as my mental health."

Liz says every day was a challenge. "By the end of winter, we were all shaken to our core on the daily challenges the farm was presenting, along with still trying to process David's death," she recalls. "Those eight months with the pigs, and especially the first couple of years, were some of the hardest days for a young married couple like us. It was exhausting, hard, and to be honest, defeating."

While the couple leaned on one another for comfort, they also had the support of family, friends, and neighbors.

"They may not be considered first generation farmers but based on the adversity they have had to overcome to survive and thrive, they certainly come very close," says Andrew Bowman who is Liz's brother.

A Second Tragedy

Three years after losing David, family tragedy struck once again. On September 11, 2016, Liz and Andrew's father, Lynn Bowman, lost his nine-year battle with cancer at the age of 63.

As Matt and Liz drove home from the Mayo Clinic where Lynn was receiving care, Matt kept thinking about the challenges that lay ahead for his brother-in-law. A fifth-generation farmer, Andrew had been farming full-time with his father since 2009. The pair raised corn and soybeans and sold crop insurance.

"I had already gone through this and knew how difficult it was to farm alone after my father died," Matt says. "There was no reason for Andrew to go through it by himself, so I told him that I thought we needed to start working together."

"Matt had been killing himself. To be honest, I was too," Andrew says, whose farm is about 30 miles away from the Hulsizers. "As much as I love my dad, there was so little he could do because his deteriorating health took a toll on him physically and mentally. When Matt approached me about becoming partners to support one another, it was obvious that was what we needed to do."

As the pair reach their sixth-year farming together, they not only grow corn and soybeans but have also developed a niche popcorn business – Pilot Knob Comforts. It is named after the local high point that looks down on where Andrew's great, great grandfather settled back in 1877. Matt and Andrew grow Blue Bounty and Rustic Red popcorn varieties, as well as a unique Popcob. The products are available in over 900 stores across the U.S. and on the company's website at pkcpop.com.

Pictured: Andrew and Karlie Bowman with sons Ryker and Bauer.

"Matt and I have complimentary skills, but it takes time to get used to one another's mannerisms, learn about the other person's strengths, and when to rework a plan," Andrew says. "Last year was really the first year I feel we hit our stride. For the most part, we are both able to do everything the other person does."

They divide and conquer on everything they do. For example, Andrew oversees planting soybeans, and Matt manages corn planting. Andrew does the side dressing while Matt handles the spraying.

"In the fall, typically, I'm running the combine, and Andrew is driving the semi and taking care of the grain dryer," Matt explains.

Transparency and Certainty

Not only does the partnership make business sense, but it's also helping their mental health.

"Every business must watch the numbers, but your greatest asset is the human capital. If you can't invest in yourself, then no amount of money, debt or hard work is going to make the farm or your life as productive as it can be. Farming has been a lot more 'fun' because we haven't been alone," Andrew says. "Sustainability is a buzzword in agriculture. When we consider what that means, mental health should be one of the factors included in that definition."

While you may accept it as the norm that farming is a stressful life, Adrienne DeSutter says it's important to own that stress. "We must know ourselves and what works for us to get through those challenging times because you are never going to eliminate stress," says the ag wellness advocate. "Mental health is not just about depression, anxiety, and suicide. It is about the way you manage your stress."

For Matt and Andrew, being transparent and adding certainty where possible goes a long way in helping their mental health.

"If you have transparency, you can address some of that loneliness," Andrew says. "We use a software called Harvest Profit, so everything is on the table when we make a decision. That creates certainty. Even if we have uncertain yield or prices, we can be certain in what the other person is doing. In the end, I have faith in Matt, and he has faith in me. It's how our partnership works."

It's also about continually evaluating what works and what doesn't work. "The other day we went through all our equipment – what Andrew owns and what I own – and totaled what it was worth. We then divided it over the acres we farm, which is around 1,800, to see where we were sitting," Matt explains. "We also wanted to see if we could justify getting rid of something and purchasing something else to become more efficient."

It's an exercise the pair do weekly, debating whether they are operating in the most efficient way they can. "Time is just as valuable a resource as money, and we have to be as efficient as possible with both," Matt adds.

That exercise revealed they had several dead assets.

Mental Health is a Journey

While Matt and Andrew are figuring out how to handle stress together, they also know learning how to manage stress isn't something that happens overnight but rather a journey that takes time. DeSutter says a key part of that is identifying what stress looks like for you.

"Everyone has stress, but how do you know when you're stressed? You must think about what triggers your stress, so you can then decide what to do about it," she says. "When I talk about changing your stress, I'm not talking about things that are going to make your life miraculously stress free. I'm talking about how you can recharge ¬– how you fill your cup daily and make that a pattern.

DeSutter says it's also important to have your stress. "From the time we are little, we are told if we fall to get back up. We are taught not to have the feelings and brush it off. We think we are teaching resilience, but it is about having adversity and bouncing back. You are allowed to feel bad."

"Matt is still dealing with the trauma of his father's death, but he is getting better each year," Andrew says. "When you feel like you're in a dark spot, there is hope."

Part of that progress also includes continuing to talk about what happened on that fateful day in October 2013 and its lasting impact.

"What we hope in sharing our story is that those who need help will seek help, and those who don't need help will seek out and help those who do," Liz says. "We hope we can see an end to the stigma surrounding mental health and that what we went through will not be in vain."

How to get Help

* #SoyHelp resources, national and by soy state, are available at soygrowers.com.

* The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (800/273-8255) provides 24/7, free, confidential support for people in crisis or for those looking to help someone in need.

* The Crisis Text Line offers 24/7 support via text message. Text 741741 for free, confidential support.