Farmer's wife asks: Will harvest season always feel so lonely?

The problem:

I’ve been married for two years and my husband is part of a large, family-owned grain farm. It’s been quite a learning curve for me as I grew up in a city. I love my husband, but dread the approaching harvest season, as I’ve learned that harvest rules everything — long days, short nights, packed meals, and no conversations. Last year, I was so lonely. Does it always have to be this way? - Phone call from F.J.

The solution:

You are not alone. Almost everyone who supports farmers during harvest will at some point ask that same question. It’s not selfish to wonder, “What about me?”

It’s important to take care of yourself and accept that those farming through the seasons all have one goal in mind: harvest.

Here’s insight that might help you turn harvest burdens to harvest blessings.

Self-care

Check your physical and mental health.

Watch for depression and seek professional help if needed. Take daily walks and celebrate nature’s changing season.

Gravitate toward positive people. It’s easier to have a good day with positive inter-actions. Be proactive, and ask how you can be helpful. Be proud of your contributions (parts runs, meals, field changes, etc). Grow your independence but keep perspective. Automation and modern equipment have made harvest easier and faster than it was for generations before us.

Connections

Alleviate loneliness by making connections. Deliver treats to neighbors and strike up conversations with them. Create new bonds by joining groups that support your personal interests; consider one for young farmers and women in ag.

Call on your girlfriends, past and present. Reach out to your husband through gentle touches, appreciative words, and acknowledgment of his work.

Communication

During harvest, farmers experience tunnel vision with intense physical demands and mental pressure. This may affect your husband’s daily interactions and personality. Never ask, “What’s more important, the harvest or me?” Remember the results are for you, too.

Go to him when he can’t come to you. Most farm equipment has a “buddy seat.” He will be focused for safety, but will welcome you into the harvest process.

Remember he can’t read your mind. Ask for what you need but be prepared to turn to other support connections.

Independence

It’s not easy being flexible “in case you’re needed.” Being organized can alleviate stress. Share a calendar with your availability to help.

Humor

My book, “Holy Crap! I Married a Farmer! Joy-filled Lessons Connecting Our Sisters in Agriculture,” shares wonderful, funny lessons. Here are a few:

• During harvest, throw food at them, keep walking, do not make eye contact!
• If it’s a beautiful day and the combine is parked near the shop, do not ask, “How’s your day going?”
• Be careful if you write a racy note for your husband’s lunch box. I didn’t know they exchange vehicles — and lunch boxes. My father-in-law will never look at me the same!
• Plan an end-of-harvest celebration, pausing to applaud all that has been accomplished. It’s the “pat on the back” everyone needs.

F.J., as a newcomer experiencing the cycles of agriculture, your feelings are legitimate and may not be acknowledged. During this busy time of harvest, look for blessings you can create or control and remember you are not alone.

Jolene Brown, CSP, CPAE, is a professional speaker, author, farmer, and family business consultant. She shares her passion, experience, and fun-filled spirit with farmers and ranchers across North America. Her tested business tools provide leadership and management solutions for the people who feed, clothe, and fuel the world. jolenebrown.com.