Remembering the good stuff

Alzheimer's is the worst. It turned my mother-in-law, Arlene Prater, from an independent, sassy woman into a shell of her former self before taking her in September.  

It also turned me into her caregiver for years before her death. The stress was overwhelming, but remembering the way she cared for my husband, his brother, and their sister, who had Down syndrome, kept me going. I always admired her as a wife and mother.  

Arlene was an amazing grandma to our three sons, but I feared watching her decline and seeing me so stressed had clouded their memories of her. 

I wanted them to forget the past few heartbreaking years and remember the "real" her who made them tiny pans of mini dinner rolls and fruit bread, sewed pajama pants and knitted slippers as gifts, and came to every ball game and concert she could. I wanted them to forget the pain and remember the love.

Honoring Arlene

At her funeral, our sons honored their grandmother. Luke and Will played guitar and sang "Angel Band" by Ralph Stanley. I could feel her beaming with pride. Jake gave a eulogy; he said Grandma made the best grilled Velveeta sandwiches, and remembered childhood stays at the farm, swinging like Indiana Jones from rope "vines" Grandma and Grandpa had hung from the trees. That's the good stuff. 

I made the above arrangement for Arlene's service, and now it's on permanent display at the farm near Hamburg, Iowa, where she raised her family. It's our place now. The tray holds her favorite cookbooks (including one I wrote for Successful Farming), hand-written recipes, a tea cup, and a pitcher filled with wooden spoons and wildflowers. 

She had boxes and boxes of hand-written recipes, and I'm so thankful for that treasure. I had some of her recipes printed onto cards to hand out at her memorial service. I've shared a few favorites below.

So many people told us how kind Arlene was, or how she had quietly helped when they were in need. This really helped all of us push the painful recent memories aside and remember who she really was. Often, the stories that were shared with us included Arlene's cooking. 

Our florist said she taught him to make perfect liver and onions. A friend who worked with her in a restaurant said she gave her really good life advice. Co-workers from the hospital remembered the amazing desserts she made for patients and staff. And the ladies of the Hamburg United Methodist Church used some of her recipes when preparing the funeral luncheon. Wow.

By the end of her life, Arlene had forgotten almost everything, but that's OK. We'll do the remembering for her, and her legacy will live on in her family, her friends, and her recipes. 

Arlene's peanut butter cookies

These were my husband's favorite cookies as a kid. They actually still are.

• 3-1/3 cups flour
• 3 teaspoons baking powder
• 1 cup butter, softened
• 1 cup brown sugar
• 1 cup peanut butter
• 2/3 cup dark corn syrup
• 2 eggs
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
  

1. Preheat oven to 350° F. Sift dry ingredients together. In a large bowl, beat butter and brown sugar until fluffy. Beat in peanut butter and corn syrup and mix until smooth. Add eggs and vanilla. Beat until well combined.
2. Stir dry ingredients into wet ingredients until completely combined. 
3. Shape dough into 1" balls. Place on ungreased baking sheet. Flatten with fork. Bake 12 to 15 minutes. Makes 42 cookies.

Waikiki pork chops

Heat 2 tablespoons oil in a large skillet. Dip 7 pork chops (1/2" thick) in seasoned flour. Add to skillet and brown slowly on both sides. Place a slice of pineapple on each pork chop. Add baby carrots between chops. Pour pineapple juice over chops and add boiling water as needed to just cover the chops. Simmer 1 to 1-1/4 hours. Serve liquid as gravy.